you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
