Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize