Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
two words: eviction party
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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