There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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