I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize