what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
