No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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