well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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