he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
