i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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