I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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