i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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