I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
