I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
