Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
