You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
