i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
