you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize