I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
