wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
