If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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