my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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