the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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