Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize