so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
