I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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