well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
