Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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