I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
