oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
