I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
