so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She told me I should be a condom model.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
