never play flip cup with pint glasses
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
