He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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