I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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