he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
