I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
