Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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