so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was like eating out sand paper
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let's paint friendship bongs
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
