In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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