i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
