cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
