Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
