I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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