So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
