Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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