i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
