can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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