Will you blow on my dice?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
