Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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