Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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