OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
