Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
