Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
