The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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