Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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