The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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