i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
