He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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