I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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