i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
even my farts smell like vagina
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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