So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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