I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
