Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize