You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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