could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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