You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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