I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
