we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
